I would rather be a devil in alliance with truth, than an angel in alliance with falsehood.  Ludwig Feuerbach

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Acrylics, dry pastels, oil pastels, pencil, raw canvas

Uh-oh. This story is powerful and very emotional for me. But I’ll give it a shot. 

My brother and I ran the family business. But we knew all along that our parents weren’t always honest with us about things. At the same time, we knew that our dad wasn’t honest about everything with us and with our mom. This is not to judge, condemn or blame either of them. On the contrary, I want to highlight only the good that this experience brought me.

For years I was unable to talk about it. It was eating me up inside.  

It had a big effect on my relationships. I was confronted with dishonesty of many forms at every corner. 

More and more I wondered what it meant to be honest and live in truth.

I was constantly confronted with slogans such as: love, truth, courage, living in integrity, purity, etc.

Until I really understood/experienced their meaning. 

However, it was necessary for me to start with myself, 

And so I discovered, 

that it is the most difficult topics that need to be opened up in order to get relieve. That it is the honesty and truth that leads to truly fulfilling relationships with good foundations. That it is the truth and honesty that will provide inner peace. 

And so for a few years now I have been telling the truth, really in everything. Or at least I don’t lie.  That’s why I’m grateful for our family history, because of which I consider honesty to be my most important value in life. I feel relaxed and at peace. Oh, yes, it’s a beautiful feeling, to live in the truth and not fool yourself. To avoid merciful lies.

It made me all the more unable to believe what “happened to me”. I found out that my love had lied to me. I can’t put into words the emotion I felt. My clenched body moaned in pain with a racing pulse. But wait. At the same time, I realize the other side of things and that is the fact that I finally heard the truth. 

And so I reflect on this difficult situation where it broke my heart. 

And I try to look for the good, which is kind of art.

And that’s why I choose forgiveness 

and I deny myself self-pitivness.

It’s a big but difficult opportunity for me, 

to see my love in it as a teacher to be.

And so I started writing verses from it, 

There is not more than making fun out of it..

And so I can feel the space around me clearing, 

it hurts, but peace of mind it’s bringing.