Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted

Bertrand Russel

80×140

Acrylics, oil pastels, putty

I think about how much we are affected by hypereffectiveness and workaholism in today’s society. I’m not saying it’s only bad, but sometimes it can have significant consequences. 

I myself used to work both 12 and 14 hour days, determinedly scheduling every half hour with work responsibilities. I’m sure it’s manageable for a while. Time is fast and seems relentless. 

Sometimes I feel like there is so much going on that I have no room for error. 

A few years of this routine has created a feeling in me that when I’m just with my 10 month old son all day, I feel guilty and bad for not working. How creepy is that?

Some things went wrong in my studio today, while painting this painting. I felt like I was there for nothing. That the time I’d spent finding babysitting the little one had been wasted. But rationally, I realize that it’s through making mistakes and being willing to experiment that I move forward the most. Especially in painting, which is what I’m learning the hard way. Because without making mistakes and experimenting, my direction and my own style won’t move anywhere. 

And what about when I allow myself to just rest in doing nothing in the studio or in nature, with myself? That’s when the real inspiration for more mistakes and experiments comes…